McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Genesis, the Rollout.:
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Not just for the profit, either. God wanted a place where beings could find products that could make a difference in their lives.
The first thing he worked on was ambiance. “Let there be nice lighting,” he said. God called the light “Come on in. We’re open!” and the darkness he called “Closed. Please call again!”
God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures, some for heat-and-eat, others for petting, some simply for atmosphere. And to every animal of the earth I have allocated certified-organic food as well as romp-and-roll toys.”
From the dust, God manufactured a male consumer in his own brand image capable of purchasing, or “just looking” at, house wares and sporting supplies for many hours before tiring.
God was pleased: the heavens and the earth were launched, with placement of all things according to the Paradise Plan-O-Gram.
God planted a garden, and in its midst, FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY, God placed the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil!®. Any knowledge to be gained from it was strictly proprietary….
